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Being a mom of three I have read the same books numerous times, but there is a firm favourite (so much so that I can recite the entire book!). It is called “Cave baby”, by Julia Donaldson.  In it, the cave baby paints on two sets of cave walls; his parent’s and a grey woolly mammoth’s.  Both exclaim, “Look what he’s done!”, one furious and one with pure joy.  Both are the same pictures, but they are received differently by the parents and the mammoths.  So too is the work of NPO’s, businesses and government.  We need to find the correct context and partners so that we receive the excited, “Look what he’s done!”

In reflecting on the “Aligning perspectives panel”, it reinforced the marriage analogy that Nationbuilder has developed over this past year in the collabs. I believe many of the panelists were talking about it inadvertently.  Even in their conclusions they alluded to long term partnerships being the solution to seeing sustainable social change. However, I want to lay the challenge to each partner. What was described as struggles in the partnerships between the role players in the form of problems in dealing with NPO’s, the power struggle and even in working with the government is immaturity.  The key to a great partnership is not finding the right “one”, or good chemistry between donor and funder, or great M&E structures, or even trust.  These things are wonderful but tend to be a symptom of something else, something far deeper.  I would suggest the key to beautiful, sustainable long term change in partnership is in identity.  Umemulo.   If we are truly serious about seeing complete social dignity, social health, in SA, I think we need to grow up.   We need to know who we are and what we have been called to do.  No one organization, business or system is going to bring dignity to all those who are suffering. We need to become mature in what we do and no longer play childish games.  The games we play indicate our immaturity, in the corporate world, government world and the NPO sector. The games we play are the begging game, the changing game, the blaming game, the hiding game and so many more that are unbecoming of adulthood.

Umemulo.  The person is ready to marry. They are an adult.  They know who they are, what they are doing and where they are going in life.  If a person knows their true identity, they are attractive to all around them, they accomplish much in their short years, they are focused and we are in awe of them.  Expectations are clear, and communication is easy – there are no games.  Their “yes” is yes and their “no” is no.  The same for business, government and NPO’s. Being an adult does not mean you are free of flaws and you do not make mistakes, it means that you know who you are. We are all still growing and learning, but if you know who you are, you are able to be responsible and powerful in your decision making processes.

There can be no power playing when a mature business enters into a relationship with a mature NPO. The two are partners. One may be the “breadwinner” the other is the “helpmeet”, the goal is the extension of the gospel through giving dignity to those in need, to the helpless and the hopeless of our time.  The breadwinner is created for the purpose of funding; the helpmeet is created with the purpose of meeting the need but they both have the same ultimate goal in the relationship.

Trust, they say, is earned, but there are definitely some who are more trustworthy. A mature business and NPO are much easier to trust – communication seems easier, there is no need to hide or blame as there is active growing in both.  Both develop together in a way that is healthy and beautiful and they are better at what they do because of their relationship with each other.  M&E flows freely when it comes from a mature helpmeet.  It is a minor technicality versus the focus of their effort.

What they achieve together is always way more than what each would have done on their own.  If, in Cave Baby, the mom had painted with her baby, the artwork would have been enjoyable to both and would be enriched by the experience. Let us look at who and what we are, stay focused on those things, and build partnerships that will last a lifetime as we tackle the issues that we are faced with together.

This is a blog Linda Morrison wrote for Nation Builder, after their In Good Company Conference last month.  It is a commentary on one of the sessions held there and will be worth your while reading some of the other posts around the session as well as their marriage analogy in order to fully grasp what has been said here. http://www.proudnationbuilder.co.za/single-post/2017/09/15/It%E2%80%99s-time-we-grew-up

I have been meeting with a person who is homeless and a heroin addict for the past 3 months, twice a week, every week.  The man is my cousin.  He is 28 years old and either sleeps on the streets or in a shelter when he can afford it.  My purpose in meeting with him is to write his story to try to find some real solutions to this problem our beautiful city is facing.

This is a real problem.  We only have about 34 people injecting heroin in Central Durban, but a large percentage of our homeless community are smoking it – either as heroin or woonga.  It is a problem.  The problem affects us deeply.  Even if we choose to ignore it, it will continue to be there.  Ignoring these people is so much of the problem.  They need love, and lots of it.  I asked my cousin to describe what it feels like to be high.  His answer shocked me.  I was expecting that it made him forget his problems, that it probably gave him some visions, took away the pain.  I never expected his true answer.  He said; “it feels like someone has placed a warm coal inside of you and you feel loved and accepted”. You see my cousin comes from a broken home, parents divorced when he was 5, mom battled cancer and died when he was 11, dad was not a factor and he was dumped from one family to the next.  I am not excusing his choices, but if this is a way he can feel loved, can we as society really blame him? Haven’t we all done crazy things just to feel loved?

Sadly, that sensation does not last.  Sadly, as you build a tolerance to the drug you reach a point where you no longer get that sensation and all you are doing is self-medicating to prevent withdrawal. Oh, and withdrawal is bad! Imagine the worst possible stomach bug but lasting three weeks with intense muscular pain.  Literally bile pouring out of you. And you feel abandoned and lonely and unloved.  And the drug is whispering to you, “all you need is a little shot and you will feel so much better, nobody will know.” I spoke to a guy yesterday who has been clean for 18 years and he said he still hears that voice every now and then.  Then you get the other side where they push the envelope a bit far and overdose.  We lost a 23 year old mom this last week, on Mahatma Gandhi Rd. Apparently they know when it has happened the minute they inject.  There is no high, just intense pain, heat and blackness.  If there is too much they don’t wake up.  A real waste of a life.

Many of these addicts are really functional.  You have probably been served by one at a restaurant and never even realised it. Inevitably they get greedy.  They need more drug and they will do anything to get it. So they end up stealing, and they lose their jobs.  This is where life becomes dangerous for them and society, this is where we need to engage and not disengage.

On the streets they have three choices to earn money to pay for their drugs.  The first is the hustle.  This usually goes on the line of “I am not a drug addict. I have landed on the streets due to some misfortune and need shelter money or money for food.” “Or I am selling this object to raise shelter money or support my baby”.  We have all heard the story. Sometimes we give to get rid of the person, sometimes out of guilt, sometimes out of religious obligation, and sometimes because we believe their story and genuinely want to help them. But the hustle works.  They earn between R100 and R1500 a day doing this, depending on the day and the season.  The second is the route many of the girl’s land up taking, prostitution.  Either online sales, manning a street corner or working a strip.  Almost all of them land up being used by the drug lords.  Handing over every cent made so that they can get their next fix or keep a roof over their head. The third option is crime. Muggings, shoplifting, and theft out of motor vehicles are the most common, but it lands them up in a cycle of going in and out of prison and mixing with worse and worse people.

What is the solution?  To be honest, I do not know.  What I do know is that these people are hugely vulnerable.  They need love and to be shown that people care. Not by giving them stuff, those things are likely to be sold to buy more drugs, but by engaging the individuals. Until they choose to make the decision for themselves that they no longer want that lifestyle there is no point in offering them a way out. If the choice is not theirs, they will return to the lifestyle the first opportunity they have.  If the choice is not truly theirs they will resent you for “helping”.  Only they can answer the question if they are ready to change.  They may have told you they are, but it really was another hustle, and they will return the minute the pain strikes.  On the streets they need just enough money to self-medicate.  They are okay to not sleep in a shelter, to go without food as long as they do not go into withdrawal.  But that is the base. If no one ever gives we are going to land up with a crime situation. It is such a precarious space.  You do not want to give because you are fuelling an addiction, but if you do not give where will they find the money for the heroin?  They will make sure they have it.  The beauty of the don’t give campaigns is that it has been effective.  The addicts have been forced to take less, but the minute they “hit a luck” they are at risk of overdosing.

Once the addict decides that he wants to give up he has a major problem.  If he doesn’t have a wealthy family that can pay for a fancy rehabilitation facility that offers detoxing there are not many options. Most addicts have burnt that bridge long ago. The government hospitals will not take them.  These people need constant support and attention in this space – they cannot do it on the street.  This situation is creating another barrier to them being healed.  I applaud the efforts of the Denis Hurley Centre and Hope 4 All in investigating and initiating efforts to start free facilities.  Please people, get behind them.  Our City needs these services.

I am busy writing my cousin’s full story and we hope that it will help pre-teens, teens, young adults and families make wise choices around drugs.  We hope that it could prevent even one person landing up in the same situation.  These are people who are filling a need to be loved with something that ends up destroying their potential to be loved.

On Thursday 2 June 2016, the KZN chapter of the South African Council of Shopping Centres met for their annual networking evening.  As they have done in the past they have asked their members to give something back to charity.  This year they chose to give stationery.  This stationery is currently being distributed to underprivileged schools and pre-primaries in and around Durban.  Thank you for your support and getting involved in making a difference in the lives of those less fortunate. Below is a list of what was collected.

6 November 2015 saw 70 business people from the Durban area come together in the Luthuli Hall (City Hall) to challenge mindsets around business and giving to the needy of our society.  A collaboration between Nation Builder, Grace aid and ourselves resulted in this business altering breakfast. Francios van Niekerk of the Mertech group was our main speaker. Francios story of how God helped him turn a bankrupt business in to a multimillion rand group of businesses is inspiring to say the least. We also had a panel of local business people, including Nick Nzama, Brad Wills and Leigh-Anne Aitken who added so much value as their stories are based in Durban.  Abonga Nkwelo was our brilliant MC and managed to keep things flowing incredibly well.  Breakfast was yummy and plentiful, thanks to Highway Function Hire.  A BIG thank you to eThekwini Municipality for the use of the Luthuli Hall.  It was a perfect venue and was a beautiful representation of Business, Government and the Social sector working together to see Durban reach its potential.